Strange Occurrences

Interesting

2007-10-10T08:49:00.000-06:00

So, I know that Sarah's dad got the email. I tracked his ass down on myspace, and now its blocked to friends only. What a bitch. Be a man and at least give me an answer you worthless prick. I'm a combination of amused and ticked off about it. He might as well give me an answer, or I'm going to make his life a nightmare from which there is no waking. I'm vindictive like that.

So, here's hoping he like nightmare world.

Sarah Audrey

2007-10-02T17:58:00.001-06:00

Born Sept 12 at 6:44 pm.

I sent her father an email, but still haven't heard from him yet. Not sure if I'm going to. For his sake, I really hope he replies. His ass is military and I could really screw him over if I wanted. I don't want to do that, I just want him to show some sort of freakin responsibility for her sake. She deserves better.

I bet the problem is that he hasn't told his girlfriend yet. Hee hee. Thats gotta be awkward as hell. But shit, Sarah was cooking before he met her!

2007-08-29T16:38:00.001-06:00

Sorry to have dropped off the radar, but I just felt that all I was doing on here was bitching and moaning. Being emo is about all I got in me writing wise these days, so I thought that I should just spare everyone my whining.

But no, things are not better. I'm stuck living with my mother at 22 yrs old, miserably pregnant, and have a feeling that my boss is going to cut me loose when I go on maternity leave. I still want to go with adoption, but no one will listen to me. Its only a matter of time before I'm totally on my own.

I know I'm sounding emo as hell

2007-08-12T15:21:00.000-06:00

I love my mother. I love her alot. But there is no way in hell I'm ever going to get her to understand that staying at her place is driving me insane. I'm homeless, plain and simple. I'm grateful that she's giving me a place to stay, but its not my home. I don't have one anymore. I was kicked out of my home after being informed that "I don't love you like I used to. Its just not enough anymore."

He choose to care more about what his friends thought than about me. Fine, but please stop fucking with my head. Don't tell me all this, and then change your mind another 4 times about it. Don't give me the weak excuse of you needing time. Either let me go or don't. I'm miserable without you here, but if your not going to be then let me go so I can pick up the pieces of my heart. I love you, but this is tearing me apart.

I don't like being pregnant. I hate it more than anything. I want this over with so I can move on with my life. There are worse things in life than death I've discovered. Its sitting in limbo wondering when your life can go on. It can't get worse from here.

End Game

2007-08-09T11:06:00.001-06:00

Its over. He finally kicked me out. I'm staying with my mother at the moment. God, how degrading. Almost 23 and back at home. Very depressed. Please don't give me all the empty reassurances that everything will be alright. Thats pretty far off right now in my mind. Give me time to grieve.

Game Over

2007-07-31T00:55:00.000-06:00

I give up. Theres no possible way I can win, or even fucking survive at this point. Theres no one out there that cares about me with out it coming with some sort of condition. Jarrod will only love me and stay with me if I go with adoption. My parents will only love and support me if I do what they want. I'm only useful at work if we are making money. My "friends" only want to be around me if I'm happy. I'm living an empty shell of a life by this point.

I have nothing left except a few clothes, some movies, and my dog by this point. Whats the next thing to go? Nothing stays for long, at least not around me. Never has. People who always profess to "be there" when I need them always vanish the moment I need help. That or I realize their help comes with a price tag. At this point I'm ready to just get into the car and go. Yes my problems will still be there when I stop, but at least they'll be 500 miles away from me. I'll take them six feet above me if it will just end all this bullshit and pain.

War in Iraq

2007-07-24T12:39:00.001-06:00

Hahaha, Nice!

Nice try.

2007-07-16T19:58:00.000-06:00

Hacking my work email won't do you any good Patricia. There's a reason Andrew didn't fight to keep you on. Showing him my blog won't change anything, let alone get me fired.

How about you try and pull yourself out of the gutter before its too late.

Son of a bitch

2007-07-13T21:31:00.000-06:00

They didn't just skip on the rent and elec. They trashed the place and robbed me blind. Huge fucking holes in the walls. Anything not stolen, broken.

So, if Patricia Prine or Jason New need a place to stay, I recommend watching your ass. They destroyed everything and left me holding the bill.

People will fuck you over just because they can.

#@#$%#$#$@%!!!!

2007-07-13T13:12:00.001-06:00

FUCKING BULLSHIT BITCH MOTHER FUCKING COCKSUCKER SON OF A 2 CENT WHORE!

MY ROOMATES SKIPPED OUT ON ME.

I was sitting a work, having an okay day, when I get a phone call. Its my landlord. She called to let me know that when she went to put up a notice letting me know the rent was late (wtf. I tried calling that bitch several times to see how much money she needed) and found that my apt door was open and all the stuff was gone. According to the neighbors, those motherfuckers had been moving things out over the past few days. So, now I'm stuck with this months rent, the electric bill, a 300 phone bill, and god knows what in damages to the apt. ALL BECAUSE I TRIED TO BE A NICE FUCKING PERSON AND GIVE FRIENDS A PLACE TO STAY. I swear to god they better not claim I kicked them out. I let them know MONTHS AGO that I was not renewing the lease, and that they should make other arrangements. If the slightest thing is missing I'm calling the cops. This is bullshit.

Not appropriate for anybody

2007-07-09T20:01:00.000-06:00

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

Yeah, well f**k you too!
LMAO

The Great Marley!

2007-07-02T19:10:00.000-06:00

Okay, it only took FOREVER, but here's the Amazing Marley mutt. This is not long after I got her, so don't let the size fool you.

This is a much more recent picture. She's about 45lbs now, and a complete freaking terror!

Argh.

2007-06-26T18:09:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm all about support and shit like that, but if my boyfriend's "band doesn't quit practicing soon I'm going to kill myself.

Seriously. This is driving me nuts.

So yeah

2007-06-26T15:43:00.000-06:00

Not much new on the home front. Things have really calmed down at work since Andrew decided to pop up like a creepy Jack-in-the-box. I still have a massive urge to choke out Eric, but I've decided to hold onto him until at least after my vacation. No reason to screw things up for myself if I can help it. I can't wait to get away, even if its only for a weekend. My best friend is having her wedding up at Oxford, and I'll be damned if I miss it!

The dog is still acting like a 2 year old that ate a bag of sweet tarts, so nothing new there either. At least she quit licking the wall sockets. I'll be sure to post a picture of the great Marley as soon as I can figure out how to pull them off my phone and onto the internet.

So....here's something to think about. If drinking and driving is illegal, why do bars have parking lots?

Yes, these are the kind of things I think about when everything isn't nuts.

Even more vindication!

2007-06-15T20:15:00.000-06:00

http://www.disgruntledworkforce.com/blog/

I am so honored that they published my bitching. Thanks guys!

Fucking OWNED BITCH!

2007-06-14T20:40:00.000-06:00

BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I ROCK!

okay, an explanation is in order.

So, I'm at work yesterday. Piddling around, doing my thing. I go put a password in for a customer and turn around, there stands Andrew, the dick head boss from AZ.

Needless to say, I fucking panicked like hell.

He hangs around for most of the night, playing with the routers and asking me and other people questions. He was hinting heavily at firing Sarah and my ass wasn't looking too well either.

Today, he has a meeting with services and other people. Get this, I get an APOLOGY! Yes! A FUCKING APOLOGY!! Apparently every thing I've said is totally true and the low numbers are in no way shape or form my fault. He talks to all the employees today and finds that Sarah indeed rocks as an employee and Eric is not the golden child he thought. Eric had taken a second job with Cingular (without telling anybody) and was way the fuck in over his head. Andrew finally came to the same conclusion that I did, that Eric had no idea what he was doing tech-wise. So, in one swift move I discredit Eric and save Henry's job. Also, that I'm doing the best I possibly can with what I have and am getting a raise!!

FUCKING VINDICATION! WHO'S YOUR DADDY BITCH?!?

Bwahaha!

2007-06-13T12:02:00.000-06:00

I dodged the root canal bullet!!.....kinda.

Apparently I've had so much freaking dental work done that I couldn't remember having a root canal done on that tooth already. So, I dreaded all that for nothing. Not to mention the doctor looked at me like I was an idiot.

Me: Just a filling? Whoo hoo! I thought I was going to have yet another RC.

Dentist:.....you've already had a RC on that one, remember?

Me:..um, sure! *mental bitchslap*

So yeah. My Novocaine is wearing off and I'm really starting to want to punch something cute in the face.

OWWWW.

Totally Screwed.

2007-06-11T22:43:00.000-06:00

No matter what you do, you're fucked. You realize this, right?

There's always going to be someone you can't make happy. There's always going to be someone who thinks they know better and gets glee from putting you down. Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing you've ever done. I would say try to make yourself happy, and fuck everyone else, but that doesn't seem to work either. Some of us are just doomed from birth. I seem to be following the Brown family tradition in that case.

I tried to please everyone once. That of course didn't work out. I then tried to just to make myself happy. That went just as badly. I wish the world wasn't so fucking judgmental. Nobody seems to want to see it from the other guy's side. If we could fix that, the world could be damn near perfect. No one says you have to agree with them. Just step back and think. That would make all the difference in the world to someone like me.

Its hard to quit caring about what other people think when everyone is against you.

Good old Mississippi..

2007-06-06T20:41:00.000-06:00

...has screwed me again.

I've tried not to bitch about this too publicly, but I can't take it anymore. I've been facing some rather nasty discrimination at work due to me being knocked up and unmarried. I finally snapped not long ago and started compiling everything I could to help build a case against my employer. I have stacks of chat records of him unfavorably discussing my condition with coworkers despite the privacy act to deal with any and all disabilities in a "discreet" manner. Hell, I even have a few rather nasty emails he sent out telling me to get my personal life together or I was going to be without a job. (If you wish to read it, I'll be more than happy to forward it). I compile all this, enough shit to have a more than solid case against him.....except for one thing.

The state of Mississippi has no real law against this sort of thing.

"Unlike most other states, Mississippi does not have a general state anti-discrimination statute, except for a statute that covers discrimination claims for public employees only."

I am screwed, simply because I live in the good old redneck capital of the world. What kind of bullshit is this? If I lived in almost any of the other 49 states I would have lawyers almost begging me to take on my case.

This job has screwed me from the get go. Hell, I don't even get to fall underneath the Pregnancy Discrimination Act due to the fact that I must work for a company with 15 or more employees. This asshole can legally fire me at anytime if he feels like it. So, I'm forced to work a minimum of 40 hrs a week and cater to his beck and call or else I'm toast.

Fucking Katrina. I'd already be out of here if a decent paying job wasn't so fucking hard to find nowadays. But thats only going to keep me there for so long.

I do.......not!

2007-06-01T18:56:00.000-06:00

I don't know whats with the sudden epidemic, but it seems like all of my friends are getting married lately. Not a single one of us is over the age of 25, yet there seems to be this mad rush to get to the altar. I don't understand it at all. Some of them have been seeing their significant others for quite some time, so I somewhat support that, even if I don't get it. If you've been together a while, then you might have an idea of what your getting into. But these people who are getting married after seeing each other for less than 6 months? Wtf my friends? You're still in the honeymoon stage of dating! Things don't start getting screwy until about that year mark.

I wish I could say something to these individuals, but what? Sometimes people just have to learn the hard way. But who knows? They may be celebrating their 50th anniversary after I've been divorced twice for all I know. I just wish people would stop and think things through a little more. Okay, so you say you love each other and want to spend forever together. Why do you have to get married? If you're so happy together, then there should be no rush. After all, if you're so sure about it then whats the problem with waiting?

I may just be getting bitter in my ripe old age of 22 (haha), but thats just how I see it. Stop and think it all out first. Its usually a great deal easier getting into something than it is to get out of it.

So, here's one of my favorite jokes:

Why are divorces so expensive?

.....because they're worth it.

OMFG

2007-05-26T09:58:00.001-06:00

Pirates 3 defied the laws of awesomeness. It went beyond the physics of awesomeness. I actually have no way of describing how fucking cool it was. Go see it. If you don't, you don't deserve the right to live. Seriously.

I LOVE YOU JOHNNY!!!

Mario and ADHD

2007-05-25T15:56:00.001-06:00

Mario and ADHD

Add to My Profile | More Videos

I really need to find a hobby.

Idiots and Work

2007-05-24T21:38:00.000-06:00

Why are people so stupid? Is it because they lack the ability to think and observe for themselves? Or is it because mother nature wants their stupidity to be so apparent that the normal members of the human race will automatically want to avoid them, thus helping eliminate them from the gene pool? I'd like to think thats why, but somehow, I doubt it. Here's a normal conversation I have at work at least once a day.

Me: Okay, your user name is your last name, first inital. Your password is 111. Have a nice day!
Moron: Uhh...okay, thanks.

2 minutes later.

Moron: It says my account doesn't work.
Me: Well, what are you putting in for your password?
Moron: Um...1111.
Me: ......
Take off one of the 1s. Try it again.
Moron: Dur...okay.

2 more minutes later.

Moron: It still doesn't work. I want my money back.
Me: (argh) We don't give refunds. Let me try to log you in.
(I go and put in their info)
Seems to be working now.
Moron: I don't know what I was doing wrong. Your system is too complicated.
Me: (stupefied silence).....I hate you.

Why God? Why make man in your image if they're going to be so fucking stupid?

You know...

2007-05-22T00:42:00.000-06:00

No matter how badly your life sucks, nothing will make you feel better like some milk, a fresh cookie and an anime binge.

Just thought I should share that.

Thoughts.

2007-05-18T22:48:00.000-06:00

Most people talk about how they have a hard time getting thru the night. It seems to be that the late hours is when most people's demons come out to play. Not for me, for some reason.

The mornings are the worst.

I love the night. Something about it is peaceful and soothing to me. A quiet time where no one else is around, and I can finally be okay with everything. But come the morning after, there is usually hell to pay. All my fears, doubts, anxieties seem to wait until I first open my eyes to attack. Sleeping all day won't help. No matter when I get up, its all right there staring me in the face. All my mistakes, all my regrets, all my self loathing. I can't escape it. I hate waking up.

The nights are a time of somewhat healing. Even sitting alone at 3 am won't bother me. Silence, noise, its all the same. I've always been a night person, probably always will be. I don't know why that is. My family worries that I stay up until nearly dawn, and sleep most of the day. But I like it that way. I still get at least 8 hrs (usually more to be honest) of sleep. They blame the circles under my eyes on it. That's just stress causing those. I sleep plenty, and usually well. If I'm not sleeping well, then its straight up stress. Work is the number one reason I wouldn't sleep. But I digress.

Am I the only person who is haunted by mornings? I hope not, but at the same time I hope I am. Its a hard thing to wake up that way everyday.

Well...

2007-05-12T15:24:00.000-06:00

Its nice to see the opinion police are alive and well. The people who make judgment calls based on unthought-out opinions without stopping and looking to see what they would do in that situation.

So, adoption is selfish and running away from my responsibilities. Bullshit. I thought I had made it clear that it was not only in my best interest, but that of the child as well. If I can't do it, then why make an innocent suffer for it? Why not give them the chance to have better than a bitter single woman working three jobs to make ends meet who you'll never see? Thats what I'll have to do and this kid deserves better than a mom whose never there. Why not a real family with a mom, a dad, and a real home rather than the shitty apartments that I can barely afford.

The world is not black and white people. There's a whole gray area that everyone likes to ignore unless it suits their purposes. Step into my shoes and think about what you would do.

Assholes.

Blargh.

2007-05-09T21:32:00.000-06:00

Spiderman 3 was not as good as I had hoped. Oh well, 3 more good ones this month. I kinda forgot to add Shrek 3 in between zombies and pirates.

I'm just at an argh point in life. Despite my decision to go with adoption, my family just won't accept it. My Dad just kinda pats me on the head and talks about it like I'm gonna change my mind. My Mom just won't accept it at all. She feels that if thats what I want to do, then I should give it to her. Umm.....how do you say, no! I don't think I could live with a constant reminder right in my face about how I screwed up. If I can't do this, then I'm going to give someone a chance who can't have kids. I love my mom, but I was raised by dad. She...well, she wasn't that great of a mom. She tried, God knows she did, but she just wasn't good at it. Too wrapped up in her new husband. But thats all history.

I just wish that someone would understand. Its become all about this kid, and no one seems to remember that my life is hanging there too. I'm not ready. Not financially, emotionally, or anyway. I want this kid to have a chance, and with me around its not going to happen. I've made my peace with that and I'm fine with it. But no one will understand my convictions here. They talk and talk like I'm going to have it and happily struggle with being a single parent to a child I don't want. Thats not fair to either of us.

Am I just being selfish? I know good intentions are the road to hell, but I feel I'm right. Why not give someone the miracle they want and deserve and me a second chance?

And they claim college will prepare you for the real world. Ha! I wasted at least 5 grand in tuition for this??

Movie Month!!

2007-05-04T11:16:00.000-06:00

Today Spiderman 3 comes out.
Next weekend 28 Weeks Later comes out (oooo, zombies!!)
On the 25th Pirates of the Carribean: At Worlds End comes out.

I am going to be so freaking broke this month. I must see them all!!!

Well.....at least Pirates. I'd swash Johnny Depp's buckle anytime.
*rawr*

Oh, if only!

2007-04-28T11:41:00.001-06:00

Angel Dust
People Iced:	Seventeen
Car Bombs Planted:	Five
Favorite Weapon	Potato Gun
Arms Broken:	Three
Eyes Gouged:	Fourteen
Tongues Cut Off:	Five
Biggest Enemy:	The Tooth Puller
Get Your HITMAN Name AWSOME-GAME

Happy 4:20!

2007-04-20T11:17:00.000-06:00

Yes, today is 4:20. The national holiday for potheads all across the world. So, lets all put aside our differences and get wasted on whatever floats your boat, whataya say?

I myself am going to gorge myself stupid on crawfish tonight at the Annual Crawfish Festival. MMMMMMM...... gotta love them mudbugs!

Betrayal.

2007-04-14T17:16:00.000-06:00

The title says it all. I've been horribly back stabbed by a co-worker, friend, and someone I thought I could count on. I took her and her boyfriend in when both their parents kicked them out. I helped them get into an apt with me. I fucking found her a job when no one else would hire her. Totally betrayed.

She's been apparently telling my boss (the great asshole that he is) every single detail about my personal life. EVERYTHING. About how I don't spend most nights at home (her boyfriend is a pothead loser prick who doesn't work and used to beat my dog), about how I don't come in on Sundays (I'm scheduled to close every sat night. I'm fucking 20 weeks pregnant almost. I can't handle that shit) About how we're going to "lose" our apt (WTF? First I've heard of it.). All of that shit. He tells me I'm on thin ice since we've done poorly in sales. ITS BEEN FUCKING STORMING AND THE GUYS HADN'T BEEN PAID, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?? I couldn't come in last night, yes, a fucking Friday. I was flat on my back, sick as a dog with a sinus infection. I can't exactly take some dayquil and go back to work. I'm reduce to tea and herbal shit to fix me now. Yet, I'm on thin ice and this bitch is such a great person for putting up with me. I'm seething with rage and hormones and you can probably tell.

Try to fucking help someone.

Good old irony.

2007-04-11T17:18:00.000-06:00

No sooner than I post here things change. Rapidly. I think life just needs to keep me on my toes or something.

I am still sick. I don't know whats going on, but I'm sick and tired of being so goddamn sick and tired. I can barely work at this rate. All I have to do is sit here, but its a constant battle not to throw up, even now. I can't take my nausea medication, it knocks me completely out. One of those "don't drive or make any fucking plans after taking this" kind of medicines. I have never been so miserable in my life.

I got Marley back. The people couldn't keep her after all. I've never been more happy in my life. I love that crazy mutt. I had to take her to the vet yesterday, because she looked like she had a cone head. Turns out, she probably broke a blood vessel or something while running flat out around the apt. Damn coffee table.

Argh. There I go again. I'll update when I don't feel like that girl from the Exorcist.

It lives!!

2007-03-28T16:09:00.000-06:00

My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

What the hell is this shit? You can actually put a price tag on your freaking blog now?? Technology has lost its mind some days, I swear to God.

Yeah, I know I've been a horrible blogger lately. Sorry about that. Things have been nuts to say the very least. Ryan tucked tail and ran, to my total un-surprise. Its all good tho, I didn't really want him around anyways. I need someone less neurotic than I, not more. Paranoia is a good thing, in small doses that is. I'm going through a massive change in my life, the last thing I need is someone else to babysit. You're almost 21 boy, grow up. If you can't be responsible about this, then just fuck off. He's a nice guy, but that isn't enough in a situation like this.

So, anyway. My mom has been sick, and I've been to two funerals in the past 2 weeks. Like I said, totally nuts. I also had to give away my puppy Marley. :'( I'm still very upset about that, but she needs a backyard to run around in and an owner thats home more than I am. Not to mention Patricia's boyfriend was beating the crap out of her for any mistakes she made. For god's sake, she's a fucking puppy! You have to train them! I try to comfort myself knowing she's got a better home, but I still plot murdering Jason in his sleep over that. I'm quite pissed.

I myself am doing decently. I was told a few days back that I am "poking out". This remark got Wanker (yes, thats his name) the shit beaten out of him by myself and Patricia. Who is dumb enough to tell a woman she is gaining weight, even if she is pregnant? Its like a giant kick me sign on your forehead. What a dumb ass. Nausea has passed for the most part, and now I find myself wanting strange things at 1 am, like cauliflower and cheese. I hate cheese. This is bizarre.

Wow, the guy just rang up sounds like Kermit the frog. How weird is that?

I'll try and be better about posting. I swear!

2007-02-24T16:51:00.001-06:00

I totally choked. Made it all the way out to Pensacola and couldn't do it. At least I still have adoption as an option.

Life, the universe, and everything

2007-02-22T18:57:00.000-06:00

Sorry for not posting in so long. Things have been.......well nuts. I'm still trying to make up my mind over this whole kid thing. I'm rapidly running out of time as well. Life sucks like that sometimes. -sigh- I'm holding together though. I just have the urge to scream and throw things on occasion. This is honestly the hardest point of my life, and I've seen some fucked-up shit.

How do you make that sort of call? It all comes down to playing God in my mind. Who am I to make that sort of choice? I wasn't the most stable person before all this, and I certainly haven't gotten any better since. I'm not the kinda person that should be in charge of another life, but who the fuck am I to make that call? I'm just running around in circles by this point. Toss in money issues and work issues and I'm just a fucking basket case right now.

I wish life had save points. Then I'd just have to remember to save every 10 mins or so.

Sleepy all the damn time!

2007-01-21T10:13:00.000-06:00

....And sick. I hate this shit already. No more sushi, can't stand cheese, sick as HELL right now. I feel like I sleep have the damn time, but I'm still usually tired.

Sorry about that bombshell. I can see it took a lot of people by surprise. No, its not Jarrod's. There's no possible way in hell it could be. The father is a wonderful guy named Ryan LaBranche. He's been a good friend of mine for quite a while, and just turned into more. He helped me get away from that psychopath. He gave me a shoulder to cry on, a place to stay with no strings attached, and a hug whenever I needed it. I don't think there could be a better person to help me though all this. He's in the air force, but I luv him anyways LOL. I'll get a pic up of us ASAP, things are just kinda nuts right now. He's in Texas for a medical hearing that will determine if he gets to stay in the air force. If he does, that would be great. If not, then between his GI bill, his VA bill, and his disability that he'd get, he'd actually end up making twice what I do in a month.

Oh, and today's my 22 birthday. Yay! First step to getting old!

Fucked up Weekend.

2007-01-16T15:28:00.002-06:00

This weekend was the most fucked up in history. Have to go to court now to prosecute a guy for cyber crimes. In other words, he stole our router password. He is sooo getting kicked out of the military. Spent most of Sunday with a migrane. Burning Crusade came out on Monday at midnight, so I had to fight off too many geeks just to get the damn thing to install at work. I was up until 4 fucking am installing and patching the damn thing. I hate World of Warcraft. Its like a damn drug for nerds.

Oh, and I'm pregnant. Most fucked up weekend EVER.

Moved in (Kinda)

2007-01-11T16:42:00.000-06:00

Well, its been a few days since I posted. I got the apartment on the 8th and started moving on the 9th. Or I would have if I hadn't been called into work due to an emergency World of Warcraft patch. I hate that fucking game sooooo much. And I have a fun filled weekend ahead of me as well. From tonight until Monday its all dance nights, that means 9 hour shifts all weekend. And then at midnight on Monday the WoW expansion come out. I have to fight off nerds at the mall, come back to work, install it on about 50 computers, and update the 2 patches that have already been released for it. All this after 12. I'm gonna end up killing me a nerd.

But the apartment is great. Well.....except for the heater not working. Other than that its all good. Well, gotta go. Must blackmail someone into carrying my monstrous TV up and down a flight of stairs. Peace.

Moving issues and Sushi

2007-01-05T16:55:00.000-06:00

Still haven't moved in. Now I'm told it will take till the 8th. I'm getting very ticked by this point. I have a freaking ton of stuff that I've purchased for the house just sitting on my dad's pool table. At least the cat is getting a chance to enjoy it all. I just get to look at it and imagine how it will look when I FINALLY MOVE IN!

-pant pant-

I have a severe craving for sushi now. Its all mist's fault with her talk about snacking. In my world, raw fish is a snack due to the fact your hungry an hour later. But sigh, I'm stuck at work. I would kill for some sushi goodness right about now. MMM.....volcano roll and seaweed salad. -drool-

Wait...maybe I can bribe someone....oohhh I got a plan.

Peace out, I've got bribing to do, if not blackmail and schemeing.

Happy New Years to all!

2006-12-31T21:09:00.000-06:00

Happy New Years everyone! I see that most of us can't keep up with blogging during the busy holiday season, but thats cool. Not everyone works at an internet cafe and spends most of their lives online like me.

I move into my apt on January 5th. I can't wait. Its been cool hanging with Dad and Lori tho, they're really cool people and I know I always have a home there if I need it. So, I've spent most of my Christmas money on house stuff and fun things. I'm really looking forward to it.

Jarrod won't quit calling me. Its driving me nuts. He won't quit going on about how we're "soul mates" and shit like that. Its really starting to fuck with my head. I wish he would leave me alone, I just started getting my life together and I don't need this. I still miss him, but I can't go back to living like that. I don't know if I'd be able to escape it again.

Well, back to work. Or so I claim. I'm really going on a beer run for the crazy airmen. Its good to have someone over 21 this time of year. Nice that I'm it for once, and not leeching onto that person!

Once again, Happy New Years and be safe. You never know what may happen.

You may find another me lurking about. ;D

A Merry Christmas indeed.

2006-12-26T13:56:00.000-06:00

Hey ya'll! I hope everyone had a good Christmas filled with food fights and liquor as I did. Love my family, despite their eccentricities.

Got a wonderful dragon necklace from my dad, as well as other cool dragon things to decorate my new place with. As for the rest, my family finally wised up to the fact that I probably will not wear anything they buy, so just go with the gift cards. I think I have enough gift cards now to keep myself shopping for a freaking month. In fact, I think I'm gonna go get started on that right now. Whee! I'ma probably buy stuff that has no purpose but to look cool.

That and a Wii. I'm hopelessly addicted to that thing.

Awesomeness x 1000!!!!

2006-12-22T17:33:00.000-06:00

WE GOT THE APARTMENT!!!!

Well, almost.

My credit went though spotlessly, I make 3x the rent, and all she has to do is call my references. Shit, my references are so shiny you gotta wear sunglasses to call them. How can you beat calling my loan officer (aka Mom) or my Boss (the man whose grateful I didn't let his business crash and burn)? I'm soooo in there by New Years.

I guess we can give poor Micheal a break, and everyone can come raid my liquor cabinet. Just don't pet the roomates. They bite.

Apartments and Guest Bloggin

2006-12-19T12:23:00.000-06:00

I think I've completed my hunt for an apartment. You have no idea what a freakin relief that is.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad and his girlfriend very much. They're cool people. But I'm almost 22 years old, and I need my own place. Well, I just need my own place so that the randomness of stealing donuts at 3am and sticking a cat in the dishwasher can re-commence. I lead an odd life, and they don't entirely get that. I also don't wish to subject them to what happens when I get bored and hungry at about 2am or so. Bad ( but delicious) things happen to the stove. Not to mention, I have way to much stuff to cram into an already furnished bedroom. It makes me sooo happy to know I'm getting stuff done.

Annnnnnd......I've been invited to guest blog at Cardiac Fantasies. I'm actually pretty honored that someone thinks my rambling is interesting enough to want to host it for a day. But what to write about? It'll probably be something completely random about the WoWcrackers or how Wyoming doesn't exist. ........well, it doesn't.

Peace out homies, I gots to do the deposit and then roam Mobile to do some christmas shopping. Yay! Mindless roaming in Mobile!!

Not bad at all.

2006-12-16T18:32:00.000-06:00

I spent most of the day away from this place (work). It was fucking awesome!

Things have been going ok lately. I stayed up playing Guitar Hero and the Wii until about 4 last night with some friend on base. The Wii is the total shit, I swear. I makes even the suckiest day better.

To make things even better, Jason fixed (mostly) my wireless. -squee!- Make me feel soooo much better now. Even the printer works again. Made of awesome. Things are starting to go smoother at work now that he's back to fix everything that I can't.

Patricia is thinking about moving in w/ me. That would rock. I need to get out of my dad's house. But at the same time, I don't want them to leave Jarrod out in the cold. Yes, you all hate him. But I still don't want anything bad to happen to him. They're gonna all talk it out later on.

Ugh, starting to feel a little down again. Ima go make fun of the WoWcrackers. Peace!

Myspace weirdness

2006-12-14T20:34:00.000-06:00

People from Germany have viewed my Myspace. How fucking cool is that?

I think the medication is helping. They put me on Lexapro. I'm still stressed, but only because of all this wireless bullshit. I've gotta get it fixed, but I'm out of ideas by this point. Can't wait till Jason gets back tomorrow. I need him something fierce. All this tech geek stuff goes right over my head. I'd have set it all on fire by now if not for Santoni.

My doctor wants me to see a "counselor" as well. I don't think I need to, but then again, maybe I do. I've never been really good at dealing with life. The only problem is my Dad finding out. He's all about dealing w/ shit on your own. But life had gotten a bit much for me to handle as of late. It might be a good idea. The whole thing just bothers me. I've always been the same way as my dad, but I've recognized that this isn't going to go away on its own.

I still miss Jarrod. Alot. I still wish I had never left. But whats done is done. I only hope that I can set it right eventually. But I can't think about that right now.

Hi ho hi ho, back to work I go.

6 things of Weirdness about me

2006-12-13T19:59:00.000-06:00

Damn, tagged again. Curse you! LOL.
Here we go, 6 weird things about me.

1) I can't stand rice, but I love sushi of all types. If you put, say, rice and chicken in front of me, I won't eat it. But I will eat sushi till I die. No idea why.

2) I have to have a blanket or something or I can't sleep. It must also be covering me up to my hips.

3) Chairs not being pushed in drives me nuts. I do it at work, home, at friends houses, resturants, anywhere. Chairs have to be pushed in! Drives me nuts!

4) I'm a 21 (almost 22) year old white female who chose going to Talladega over going to Junior prom. I can't stand shopping for clothes. I hate all that really girly shit. My friend Ryan dresses nicer than I do. I never wear make-up or do anything to my really long hair short of a ponytail. Yet, guys fall all over themselves to ask for my number. WTF kinda shit is that?

5) I can't eat grits without butter, salt, and grape jelly. I'm sure those of you not from the south are going, "what the hell are grits?" right about now.

6) See my previous post about being too crazy to get zoloft, or I'll start ranting about it again.

Humor Break 12-13

2006-12-13T19:51:00.000-06:00

This was totally stolen from Micheal at Cardiac Fantasies. But it made me laugh, so hopefully it will make you laugh too.

TEN THINGS TO PONDER FOR 2007...

#10 Life is sexually transmitted.

#9 Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die

#8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

#7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

#6 Some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

#5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing

#4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???

#2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THOUGHT FOR 2007... We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Apparently too insane.

2006-12-12T13:34:00.000-06:00

Did you know you can be to crazy to be put on Zoloft? Its true, they just denied me. They asked me some questions, I answered them honestly since I want to fucking feel better damnit, and was informed that my problems are too extreme for them to handle and that I should go directly to the emergency room. WTF kinda shit is that?

me: " Hi, I'm suffering from anxeity and depression. Gimme drugs."
them: " Okay answer a few questions for us first."

2 mins later

them: " You are too fucked up for us. Go bug the ER you psycho."
me: "An hour and a half and $57 for this shit?! This is gay."

I'm really irked.

I also went and did some hairbrained shit last night. I'll follow up on that later. For now, I just want to know what the hell I have to do to get some fucking zoloft or xanax without going postal! Fucking bastards!

Now I'm off (hahaha) to mobile to do the deposit. Can't wait for the idiot savant (aka the owner) to set up fedex for me. But I have someone riding with me, so have no fear. If I wreck, its not on purpose. I just suck at driving. ;D

Surviving....barely

2006-12-10T10:08:00.000-06:00

Doing a little better today. Actually got some sleep which turned into me being late for work. -hiss- I just can't win sometimes. But I got enough sleep to realize I was tottering off towards exhaustion. Thankfully, I'm off tomorrow. I don't know what I'll do, it just won't be here at work. I don't want to look at this place anymore.

I ended up speaking to Jarrod last night. I guess my text messages were starting to sound unbalanced, so he called me. Unfortunately, he called while I was in the middle of hysterics. He tried to bring me down, and told me to call after I got off of work. I did. It was one of the most bittersweet moments of my life. I figured it all out, just too late.

We may still have a chance. There's going to be a lot of work and that's fine with me. I want my life back, no matter how mediocre it was. I'm nothing without it.

Darkness

2006-12-09T17:08:00.000-06:00

The darkness is starting to close in on me. I'm not going to last much longer. I'm holding on by my fingernails now. I'm back to cutting myself. The urge to eat a bottle of painkillers is overwhelming.

I've got to hang on. I used to be stronger than this.

I'm losing it

2006-12-09T16:00:00.000-06:00

Still not doing so hot. I've kept from going into hysterics only by sheer will power. I can't keep this up much longer. I've got to keep this short, or I'm going to start thinking about it all again.

I fucked up. Thats as plain as I can make it. I should have never left. I may not have been that happy, but I was a hella better off than I am now. I'm so miserable. I'm going to get a script for zoloft on monday. I'm not going to let them give me xanax simply due to the fact I don't trust myself not to take the whole bottle after another nightmare.

I can't keep going on like this.

Insomnia

2006-12-09T09:31:00.000-06:00

Note to self: Jack is not a good of a friend as you may think at the time.

I'm not doing too well right now. My insomnia has gone into overdrive. To top it off, the nightmares have come back. I haven't had them in 3-4 years, but now they're back with a vengeance. I don't know how I'm going to sleep again. The idea, quite frankly, scares me. I don't want to sleep now. I can't stand them. So, I slept from about 1am to 5:15am or so. I'm also working a 15 hour shift today. At the rate I'm going, I'm going to have a mental breakdown within the week if I don't obtain some sort of peace. Thankfully, I'm off Monday, but that's totally worthless if I can't sleep. I'd rather work than sit alone with my thoughts. That's what eternity is you know. Sitting all alone with nothing but your thoughts for company.

I'll more than likely post again today. I've noticed that I post more when under stress. I guess its a kind of venting. The only problem is, I don't think it'll be enough to save me this time.

Tarot

2006-12-08T22:16:00.000-06:00

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Jack at Work

2006-12-08T21:11:00.000-06:00

I hate murphy. Someone should shoot him on fucking sight.

None of the wireless works. STILL. This management thing is still pretty gay. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. Everyone keeps telling me it'll get easier, but it sucks pretty hardcore right now. But I got my drink finally. So, I'm working and drinking a jack and coke. Works for me. I'm ready to get the hell out of here. And now the owner is on line wanting to know shit in a "happy" tone". Fuck him. Me and jack don't need him!

bwhahahaha!!

Insomnia + drinking + stress = insanity!! Yay!

On a completely unrealated topic, I hate Ipods. Those things are smaller than my cell phone and fucking worthless to work. That is all.

Hooray for Jack! He's my new friend!

Management is a bitch!

2006-12-06T20:46:00.000-06:00

I had no idea that managing a small cyber cafe would be so fucking hard! Things keep breaking and I'm having to do quick goat thinking to fix it. Argh. At least the pay is decent.

I've been doing so-so lately. I alternate between being glad I'm gone, and missing him so much that I feel like there's a giant hole in my heart. But, there's no going back. Especially since he traded me in for a younger, dumber, blonder model. Who the fuck gets a tattoo of a ladybug on their foot? His new bimbo apparently. I guess thats what hurts so much now. The fact that I've been disillusioned. He couldn't have meant all the things he said about loving me if he ran to her less than a week later. I cried for almost 2 hours when I realized he couldn't have loved me as much as I thought. It still makes me want to cry.

But, anyways. I hired my friend Patricia on to work for me. She needs a job and I need some employees. Working by yourself every-fucking-day gets old mightily fast. But theres nowhere else I'd rather be. At least I'm making money here. My goal is to be back into my own place by the end of January. I'm too old to be living at home and I feel it. I need my space quite badly.

I need a drink. I'm getting so hammered on my first day off. I deserve it.

A new beginning

2006-12-01T10:57:00.000-06:00

I'm back!

I didn't mean to worry anyone. Its been a crazy few days, and I'm worn the fuck out. But I'm a happy tired at least. Between servers crashing due to the heat in the building at work, and running around trying to get my life back on track I haven't had much time to sleep.

Not to mention, I think my ears are bleeding since my boss is on the phone bitching at me. I'm really starting to hate her.

-20 min later-

Okay, enough of that bitch. She's killin me! ARGH.

But anyways, things have been going moderately well for me. I spent last night hanging out in a hookah bar with a friend of mine. Its freaking awesome to be out and doing things! I think my dad is concerned that I'm just out partying all the time, but its okay. I take over the management of this place on Monday, so I'm enjoying all the free time I can get!

I finally know for sure that I'm going to be okay. My former roomie/best friend caught me up on everything thats been going on in that house since I left. He's apparently already out ho-ing with some 18 year old bimbo he works with. And I really don't care. All I'm concerned about is that he's going to be alright. For all we went through, I don't wish anything bad on him. I guess that makes me the better person.

Once again, thank you to everyone who helped pull me though this dark time. Knowing that people who haven't even met me IRL care, means the world to me. I love you guys!

Finally over.

2006-11-28T21:52:00.000-06:00

After going through hell this past I don't know how long, its finally over. I'm free!

Although, thats simplifiing it a bit.

To keep it short, I told him my decision at about 1:30 am (when he asked me). He disappeared until 5am, woke me up to yell for about 2 hours, and then kicked me out. Thankfully, I had most of my stuff already packed. My mother went into over-protective mode, got a u-haul and a cop, and we picked up the rest of my stuff. Well, most of it anyway.

A lot of shit has happened today. But I'll post more on it later, I'm finally free and I'm going to have fun for once dammit! No brooding for me tonight at least.

Thanks for all the support. I couldn't have done this without all who gave me a shoulder to cry on and advice I may or may not have wanted to hear. It worked!

Peace out.

KB

Perfect end to a hard day.

2006-11-27T23:35:00.000-06:00

My debit card is gone. Not like I need it, I don't have any money and it looks like I won't be getting any.

On the plus side, I got to fuck on a pinball machine at work.

So, I guess life can't be all bad. XD

Insanity has hit me!

2006-11-27T17:41:00.000-06:00

LMFAO.

I've lost it!!!

The plan to move in with my dad has totally backfired! His girlfriend kicked him out last night. I have no where to move! I'm at the point that I'm LAUGHING about it. I should be freaking out, but I'm not. Oh-fucking-well. Things happen for a reason.

I'm gonna go set things on fire at work now!
Yay!

Edit as of 6:31 pm:

I was just informed that it looks like I'm not getting paid this week or ever. Apparently our boss doesn't have enough money to cover payroll. WHY THE FUCK DOES GOD HATE ME?!

Still trying to take that first step forward.

2006-11-27T13:46:00.000-06:00

Jarrod and I spoke last night, somewhat calmly this time. I think he's trying to reverse tactics on me. Earlier in the night our "discussion" involved him throwing things, punching walls, and generally making no sense while becoming further enraged over the fact I would back down. It boils down to if I beg for forgiveness, he'll be mad for a while, but eventually forgive me.

Forgive me if I say, Fuck that noise.

But, but in our later conversation(s) he completely switched tactics. The first time, he told me that I was making a horrible mistake. The second time, he told me that no matter what I decided, he'd still love me. The final time, he made his way back around to "If I still feel this way, then what I'm doing is wrong. The only thing in all of this that made any sense was when he told me that if I was going to leave, then not to hang around too long. It would only make it harder. Finally something intelligent comes out of his mouth!

But he's right, this only gets harder by the day. . I need to do this and get it over with. I'd say I'll miss him, but I've been missing him for a long time. The Jarrod I fell in love with is gone. Its time to stop grieving over it and move on.

Like a Phoenix, I rise from the ashes.

2006-11-27T00:19:00.000-06:00

Well. Here I am on blogger or whatever the hell this thing is.

I've got an Live Journal and a Myspace. Why the hell do I need yet another one?
Because I love to ramble. :D

Actually, I thought I'd start this as part of my new beginning. I'm moving back into my Dad's house tommorow after my 2.5 year relationship went horribly wrong. It really an interesting cycle. My ex blames it all on my best friend/roomie for "changing me". She blames it all on him for being a total waste of space. Her boyfriend/my other roomie blames it on himself for being "cursed". I blame it on myself for not doing things differently.

Interesting and strange, I know.

Everyone tells me how much better off I'm going to be without him. I know thats true. A great deal of stress will be lifted off of me. I'll be completely free for the first time in well over 5 years (I was a bit of a boyfriend hopper). I'm looking forward to the freedom I'll finally get.

But on the other side of the coin, I'm going to miss him horribly. Its hard to let go of something thats been there so long. Although he claims I only focus on the bad, whats kept me here this long is the hope that things would return to the good old days. It wasn't always bad. But people change, despite his opinion to the contrary. I need to move further in my life than he wants to. Sitting around smoking out is fun.......in high school. He's going to be 25 in Feb. and has no goals in his life at all. I need more than that. I don't want to just survive, I want to live my life.

As much as I hate the fact I'm going to be 22 in January and living at home again, I'm going forward with my descision. Life is too short to be miserable. Its time I moved on and started anew. May whatever powers that be give me guidance and strength to move forward.